Thursday, January 27, 2005

Fly away...

23 years of age…I was thinking, all these years, no matter how little achievements ive accomplished, it must still account to something, right? In the very least im one of a kind, I have my own ideas, own thoughts, own principles and own sense of dignity…Ppl might come across me as someone who is cheerful and easy-going, the truth is, those who really know me are aware that I dun do things to please others, whatmore changing myself to suit others…Never…

Lately I have a tendency to miss home a lot, there will be a sudden urge to see my parents while im away in CyberJaya…or I would be thinking of my brothers, how Jacky is doing in Australia, or how Jason is coping with his teenage problems…I wasn’t used to be someone who is family-oriented, I kept things to myself rather than share ‘em with mom or dad…My reasons being that they cant help me with my issues, and I wouldn’t in the whole wide world want ‘em to worry bout my affairs…sounds noble huh?

Earlier I was looking at the newspaper, this advertisement regarding Migrations to Australia caught my attention, I relate vehemently to Kew and Ejia that we should attend this consultation, but they weren’t in the least interested…Oh, my obsession of leaving this country is getting the best of me, it’s making me lose focus of everything, even my midterms and my projects…there wasn’t a time when my mind aint thinking of all the things that I would do while im out there…ice-skating, skiing, snowball fighting in the winter…lying down on the lush meadows, surrounded by fragrant flowers in the spring, leaving for cooler countries in the summer (im really not a sun-worshipper), and enjoy falling leaves and melancholy mood during the autumn…

Perhaps that explain why I desire for my family love so much, I can almost feel it, that I will be gone sooner than I expect…that I will miss ‘em so much, not able to talk to ‘em, see ‘em and let ‘em take care of me…but I know I must be strong, ive gotta be independent, we cant rely on our parents forever, you’ve still gonna hafta move on and find ur own way…that is inevitable…

It hurts thinking that mom will be so lonely without me, or the other way round…I wont be able to savour her cooking, to tell her if the food was alrite, to compliment on her pasta or chawan mushi and to listen to her neverending lectures…this is utterly unimaginable…

Im confused, the fact is that I might not like what im looking forward to, but ive gotta experience it, living alone…I will make friends all over again, ppl will accept me and life will be happily ever after…(inspired by fairy tales..)

Mom, dad, Jacky and Jason, no matter where I’ll be or what would become of me, I’ll always luv u guys, till the very end of the world…


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